Afraid

My brain says
It’s no one’s business
But my own

Why do I need
To tell everyone
Their assumptions
About me are
Flawed

Why should I need
To announce
I’m queer
Not straight

Why can’t I simply
Live my life
Love who I love
With no need of
Explanation

On the surface
That path should be
Available
Completely reasonable

My sexuality
Is my business
The only other
Who needs to know
Someone I have not met
Yet

My heart says
I can’t move beyond
Dreaming

If I’m afraid to claim
The truth of who I am
If I’m afraid of
Needing to explain

Forty-thee years of denying
Forty-three years of hiding
Not just from them
But even harder
To comprehend
From myself

That’s the question
I don’t want to answer
How could I
Live my life
So completely
Unaware
Repressed
Oblivious
Hidden
Lost
Broken
Afraid

Striving
To be someone
I never have been

Rather than being
The me
The world around
Said was sinner
Flawed
Disgusting
Abomination
Hated by God

So I hid
So deep
In such darkness
It took
Forty-three years
To find my way back
To myself

But I am still afraid

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